I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
