if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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