I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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