Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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