look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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