my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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