Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
