i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
