This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
