My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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