This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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