i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
