That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
