if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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