my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
