How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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