Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's the barista slut.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
