your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
