I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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