If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
