sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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