i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
