But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
