Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
