Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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