There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
