Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
