we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
