i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Randomize
