I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
