I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
