you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
