Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
