I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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