She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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