my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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