Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
