Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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