you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
