connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
