so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
