Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
