All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
