I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
