My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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