Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
