I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
