he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
