He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
