so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
