It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
