I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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