I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
