Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I touched a dick in church today
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
