yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
