D3 body, D1 cock
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
