So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
