i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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