the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
